Learning to PAUSE.......& DELIGHT

As a leadership team at Providence, we have been going through the book

"Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" and I have been learning many things about myself which include:

• I have been rushing through life for much too long
• I need to have better boundaries (with saying yes/no to people and things)
• I need to slow down and rest

I don't know where things got so off track, maybe my senior year of college when I took 21 credits first semester and 28 credits second semester while working at a mental health facility. It could have been while I was working as a high school guidance counselor, serving as a worship leader at a bible study, and also in leadership at a house church. Maybe it was while a full-time grad student, working part-time at a church and part-time at a college. You get the point, I have filled my life with really great things, but have often forgotten to PAUSE and DELIGHT in what God is doing around me.

This year, has been spent learning to rest. Yes, I really do mean learning to rest. In recent years I have not been the type of person who stops to take days off with "nothing" to do. I struggle to sit outside on the porch and read a book for hours, or sleep in on my days off. I am on the go, and when I sit and rest I feel guilty. For some reason it has felt wrong to just take time to be. This year finally brought conviction as I am quickly realizing that we were created to work.........and rest, then work.............and rest. Marriage has been a valuable tool in teaching me that. My patient husband was observing my life and would often remind me to "sit down and relax". When I sit, I fall asleep if I am not doing something. This has meant me sleeping through numerous movies on our at home "date nights". Marriage has exposed the fact that since there was noone in my life showing me balance, I had NONE! I am learning. Another that has taught me about this lack of rest in my life is the many moments where I crave Kenya. I know that sounds funny to people. I love Kenya! I love the people that I get to work with when I am there, I love the community at Transformed International, I love the sites, life slooooows down and amidst the work there is always rest and time to delight in relationships with people and time with God. So as I found myself craving Kenya, I realized I was really wishing to have that same sense of calm and balance.....a rhythm of work and rest!

So, lately (and by lately I mean the past few months), I find I am giving myself time to pause and delight! Yesterday I drove down the road just to watch the sunset, and as I sat there I begin a list in my mind of all the snapshots where I allowed myself to delight the past few months. These are moments that I want to cherish and remember for a long time:

• Sunsets....last nights sunset was glorious
• Watching and listening as my brother (Peter) and Trish shared their vows with one another with sincerity, love and commitment (it was beautiful). It was from their hearts to one another and shared boldly before those of us privileged to be a part of their lives.
• Watching as Justin saw his beautiful bride, Julianna (rick's sister), coming down the aisle on her dad's arm. Justin's love for her is so pure and I am proud to get to call him my brother!
• Sitting with my entire family at my cousin Brittany & Kevin's wedding reception and realizing how blessed I am to be in family that can laugh together and later sitting with them on family vacation in the mountains praying together as we face potential job losses and struggles finding work.....as we encourage one another to TRUST that God has His best for all of us.
• Seeing my husband first thing each morning and around 5:30 each evening and realizing that he is not going anywhere. He loves me so well, even when I am undeserving. He is a gift!
• Being in Kenya and watching the neema and shimo girls work so hard with pride and self-confidence, using the skills they have learned.
• Seeing Eileen Roche singing and dancing with Joann in Kenya (she probably has no idea I was even watching)
• Hearing a compound filled with laughter as my Providence team broke through any walls and loved my kenyan family so well.
• Sitting at a table with my grandparents onso many occasions this past year, and feeling blessed by the heritage I get to receive because of who they are.
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• Kayaking and picnicking with Matt, Missy, Aubrey, & Leah at March Creek. That day was chaotic but ended up being a gift as we learned to know one another.
• Sitting with Rick's mom teaching me to make jewelry so I can train others. She was generous with her time and so willing to teach me.
• A weekend in Philly with Rick to celebrate his birthday (and a free place to stay thanks to so generous friends)
• Finding amish chicken bar-b-que while out for a drive with Rick one saturday.
• Walks at the trail with Jess, celebrating her engagement, talking about life and realizing how much has changed.
• Spending 2 days away with the leadership team going talking about how to live healthy lives. I appreciate that the leaders at Providence care more about our emotional and spiritual, our marriages and our families than they do about our job descriptions (and YES, we do all have plenty of work to do). It is a joy to serve with them.
• A saturday morning poolside with a funny book (yup, I got it for Christmas and I still have yet to finish it). :)
• Watching as Rick got baptized last week and realizing we were surrounded by our family and friends.

There are so many simple things that breathe life into us each day, but we have to pause long enough to see them and recognize them. My hope is that throughout this year I can pause longer and rest more, that I find delight in the daily joys that are often right in front of me.